You're still watching?

Today was day 15 of competition. It should be called day 2 of “oh, you’re still here and watching? We thought you would be done after swimming and gymnastics.” You say day 2? Yeah, there are a few other sports people watch that happen in the second week, like track and field, or women’s soccer, but the majority of what’s on the second half of week two feels like Olympic Title IX in action.
Some of these sports need some help to make them a little more appealing to the masses. I have some ideas:

Trampoline: They put a basketball goal on each side of the trampoline and they have to dunk after each flip or twist: And now Svetlana Vorkhof will do her famous 4 1/2 flip tuck 2 1/2 twist windmill jam. What a crowd favorite. They would get bonus points for wearing a mascot outfit.

Taekwondo: Every point has to be scored from the crane kick position, and instead of padded helmets they were headbands with random chinese characters on the side. And of course there has to be a female love interest watching anxiously from the side of the mat, and the coach must have a fu man chu beard and address his athlete ending in son. “Lopezson, remember wax on, crane kick. Now go beat Jacksonson.”

Syncronized Swimming: Easy, they have to incorporate dolphins and killer whales into the routine, its worked for Sea World for years.

Rhythmic Gymnastics: Every prop is on fire. Let’s see katrina gracefully twirl that ribbon now.

Modern Pentathalon: Its sort of based off the the aristocratic society concept of a prince being good at all these different disciplines. It really is a whacky combination; simplified fencing, swimming, horseback riding, running, and shooting. Well in my version they do it old school and the fencing is the last event. Based on how you do in the other four sports depends on how sharpe your sword is and how much protection you get to wear. “Dimitri Karcolkof, is really wishing he’d practiced his swimming technique, as he faces the difficult last event wearing only his speedo and wielding a broomstick.

Sailing: You have a hole in your boat, you’re carrying a record load of fish, and a storm is approaching. I bet that increases the urgency to finish the course.

Swimming Marathon: Added for Beijing, I can’t help this one. As if watching people run a marathon is boring enough, swimming is even worse.

Table Tennis: This one needs to have the playing field leveled a bit, so all Chinese competitors must take a drink of beer after losing a point. Let’s see Wang Li hit her famous serves after 4 cans of Budweiser hit her 90 pound body.
(Funny aside that is true rule in Olympics: alcohol is a banned substance in archery because of its ability to calm, competitors must abstain from alcoholic beverages 1 month prior to competition. Not even making that up.)

Canoeing/Kayaking: Its always held in West Virginia, there is banjo music playing over speakers going down the river, and whatever happens on the river stays on the river. Everyone who makes it to the finish automatically gets a medal.

Wrestling: They add ropes, fireworks, and announcer and they come into a theme song. And in this corner hailing from Iran the Cleric of Chaaaoooosssss! His opponent from Russia, Boris the Ukranian Undertaker. For the Gold Medal Match they drop a cage over the mat.

Dressage: It doesn’t need any help. I watched the Grand Prix final the other night. You ever seen this stuff. They get the horses to dance to stuff like Pink Floyd, the Rolling Stones, 80s one hit wonders. I had no idea Dressage could actually be entertaining to watch. The horse skipped across the ring to Sympathy for the Devil better than Mick Jagger.

So, I think that if these few changes are implemented, the ratings for week two could be even better than week 1. I’ve sent my ideas to Jacque Rogge, and his people said they would get back to me.

In all seriousness, you can really feel things winding down. Venues now are hosting all Gold Medal games for team sports and individual competitions. We’ve already shut down half of the venues. There are parts of the day now with only two events happening, versus last Saturday with 32 events happening simultaneously. When you watch network coverage you have no concept of how much stuff is going on at the Games. While you watch Phelps swim and Nastia flip, there are about 10 other competitions happening. You really end up missing a lot of amazing performances by athletes from other countries. Some of the Table Tennis that gets played is hard to fathom. I don’t know how people develop reaction times like these athletes. Even shooting skeet. They shoot at 100 fired skeet, and the winner hit 93. Are you kidding me? And these people train for these less popular sports while working full time and living a pretty normal life. I say pretty normal, because they have to mix in hours of training. At its best the Games is a fantastic venue for really hardworking, disciplined athletes to show off and compete. And outside of the superstar, celebrity, athletes, most have an incredible experience living in the Athlete’s Village, getting to know people from all over the world, and sighting seeing in the Olympic City. I run into random athletes all the time downtown. Boxers from Poland, Judo competitors from Brazil, etc.

Not to mention getting to meet the journalists from all over the world. Yesterday, I met a lady from the U.S. who works for Reuters. She covers cycling for the Games, but covers politics the rest of the time. She is currently on the trail with Obama, on the plain, bus, wherever he is. Fascinating to ask her questions about what he is like and to talk about the upcoming elections. She says he is actually a very genuine down to earth guy, and is a basketball nut.

Last night I road the bus with the primetime anchor for Channel Seven Australia. We chatted about our families, the Olympic experience, and what we enjoy most about telling stories. She was very nice, took a picture with me as we parted ways.

I like talking to Australians because they say things like “I was really buggered about not getting to do that” or “Aren’t you a shocker.” (Cute, funny) Lincoln says this one all the time “Ah, good on ya mate.” (sounds like things are going well) And of course Cheers (Goodbye).

The next entry will about the Closing Ceremonies. Love the fireworks. Until then, Cheers Mate!